Don't worry, faithful readers (all...four of you?), I am still alive and I haven't given up my PLL draft diary blogging. Last week was SG's birthday, and he's such a birthday prince that we dedicated an entire week to celebrating. Not really. I mean, we did celebrate all week, but not because he's a birthday prince. He is quite humble, in fact.
A-NY-WAY, tonight you get a PLL draft diary double-header because SG turned 29 last week. So be grateful! Or something. And I have SG and Robespierre here with me tonight for the twofer special. Which is super appropriate because apparently the PLL ~*~twin~*~ will be revealed in tonight's season 6 finale. Sacre bleu! I cannot wait.
Our bets on who has the twin:
Me - Aria
SG - Alison
Robespierre - Emily's mom
Now let's get to it. Timestamps will be slightly off since we're watching two episodes in a row, but deal with it. And I'm not doing previouslies because there's just too darn much to cover!
First up, last week's episode:
8:01 PM I fill SG in on the ~*~twin~*~ thing and he likes my guess of Aria. He makes his guess (see above).
8:03 PM We both chuckle at the b.s. car chase in the "previously on..." segment. I'm sure I'll have this thought one million times during tonight's viewing, but what is happening with PLL this season?
8:06 PM Time for the usual who's-the-shusher bet. SG wins with Hanna. Dammit!
8:06 PM There is some very emphatic hand and head-nod acting happening this episode. The liars are getting SERIOUS.
8:07 PM Lucas is getting an invite to Hanna's wedding? Several episodes ago, he thought Hanna was marrying Caleb. That is...not realistic.
8:10 PM Once again, SG and I are giggling at the supposed-to-be scary stunts (this time, it's Ali falling down the stairs). PLL, wherefore art thou true self?
8:11 PM Evidence of how much Ali has changed: "I don't want to sue anyone, I just want to go on a picnic." Old Alison would crucify that inn owner.
8:13 PM And speaking of the greener pastures that once were, we get this gem from Hanna, channeling the true themes of PLL of the past: "Who around here hasn't tried to reinvent themselves a couple times?"
8:16 PM Not-A has graduated from emoji to bitmoji...on a print card. Huh? How confusing.
8:19 PM OMG I love Em and Spencer's performance as "girls who crashed into Sara Harvey's Henchman's car." Hands down, the best lying they've ever done. SG: "Never seen them do anything like THAT before!"
8:24 PM SG cracks up at seeing Sara Harvey's Henchman eating an ice cream cone surrounded by a bunch of kids at an ice cream truck. It is a pretty absurd image. Why are none of these kids' parents alarmed by a grown man in a suit hanging out with their children?
8:24 PM Oh snap Sara Harvey can drive! Guess the liars can't make those "she can't even use a fork" jokes anymore. What will they joke about now?
8:27 PM Is Spencer's intense "what's going on" face just her panicking that Caleb and Hanna are about to tell her they're getting back together?
8:28 PM SG is freaking out over Hanna's confession. But methinks it's a lie. He thinks it's a convincing lie, if it's a lie.
8:29 PM Update: Hanna's confession is a lie!
8:30 PM "You're the cheese!" My new fave expression.
8:30 PM Pizza's here! You're the cheese! We pause for slice distribution.
8:37 PM "Do you lunch?" Does Caleb lunch? Two things: one, Lucas is so obnoxious. Two, Caleb has come so far from when he lived in the high school air vent.
8:39 PM Two seconds before the #SugarDaddyLucas appeared on the screen, I said, "Oh, Lucas is trying to be Hanna's sugar daddy." Called it!
8:40 PM Ali's mom appears in Ali's hospital room (as a dream? pulling an early season Ali move? or does she have a twin?), SG wants her to tell Ali that she has a twin. Because he wants to win our bet. Even though we forgot to put stakes on the bet. Dammit!
8:42 PM SG's new theory is that MonA has a twin. Just to keep you all updated.
8:45 PM Okay, Ali has some of her spark back in this scene with Rollins. She's all happy and giggly in an actually cute, not dead-in-the-eyes way.
8:46 PM The Scooby Doo crew is back together again for this #Haleb master plan. Can we vote Ezra off the island and replace him with Mona, though? Please?
8:47 PM "It's the Matrix!" SG says when the binary codes of Hanna's text are floating all over the damn place.
8:48 PM Okay, end of episode 19, with little fanfare from either of us. Now onto the finale...and the #TwinOnPLL!
8:49 PM We take a minute to catch our breaths and digest our pizza. And wait for Robespierre's arrival.
8:56 PM Robespierre arrives and helps herself to some pizza. It's finale time.
8:57 PM Robespierre thinks that the twin theory is so appropriate because last night we watched Jane the Virgin and Petra gave birth to twins and we discussed the existence of twins on Earth for a few minutes. She makes her twin theory guess (see above).
9:00 PM Here's a recap of the episode we just watched, thanks to the "previously on" segment. Robespierre hasn't seen last week's episode, because she's only seen one episode this season. But she is still enthralled and excited for the finale.
9:00 PM We need to pause to explain things to Robespierre. Her main question is: what if Charlotte didn't die? Great question! But I don't think it's true.
9:06 PM Stellar acting from Ashley Benson so far this episode.
9:07 PM Time for our second shusher guess of the evening. None of us guessed it was Aria. But it feels right that she should shush for the finale, being the original shusher.
9:07 PM Robespierre calls Ali's wedding a shotgun, but only because she thought it was Hanna who got married. Hoo, boy, it's fun when she mixes up all the characters.
9:08 PM Oh, a cursory mention of Jason! Miss you, boo.
9:08 PM "Seems like a conflict of interest." - Robespierre upon hearing that Ali's beloved "Elliott" was Charlotte's doctor.
9:10 PM Are the liars building a bunker for Not-A? What's with the electrified fence?
9:12 PM "That's an ugly fucking shirt." - SG on Toby's outfit. And he would know (here's my plug for www.jachsny.com).
9:13 PM I feel kind of bad for Ezra for once during this scene that's all about him working through Nicole's death through writing his book, but he is really an ugly crier.
9:14 PM We all three screamed and jumped when Zombie Mrs. DiLaurentis made her appearance in Ali's bedroom. "I feel like we're in Scream," says Robespierre. "I've got chills; they're multiplying," says SG. "..." says me while I type furiously and try to keep my fear of how creepy this episode will be at bay.
9:18 PM We pause to discuss the primary election results from today. And the Fosters R&J episode that'll air next week.
9:22 PM "I love her," I say to the room about Mona. "It's not her, it's her twin," says SG. He is fully on the "Mona has a twin" train. If only!
9:23 PM LOL Caleb calls Not-A "A-moji" and Hanna thinks it's as funny as I do.
9:24 PM "Second degree burns heal quickly..." says SG after I point out that Aria's arm bandage shrank quite noticeably.
9:25 PM Emily's nailed down the elevator pitch for #Ezria's book: "You're writing a book with a guy you used to love about his dead girlfriend." BOOM that'll sell ten million copies.
9:28 PM We pause so I can explain Wilden, who is before both SG and Robespierre's time. I can barely even remember all there is to remember about Wilden.
9:28 PM During the commercial break, SG and Robespierre sing the PLL theme song with admirable gusto.
9:29 PM "How about #EzraNeedsAJob?" - SG. "That's Caleb." - me. It's one thing to confuse Liam, Jordan, and Rollins — all n00bs and all generic-looking attractive white guys — but it's quite another to confuse two of the core PLL manfriends. I'll let it slide this time. And he's right...what exactly is Caleb doing for work these days?
9:31 PM Zombie Mrs. D is back! Robespierre and I jump out of our skin again, but SG stays calm, cool, and collected. Good thing he'll be there when I have multiple Zombie Mrs. D nightmares tonight.
9:32 PM Oh snap, a throwback reference to when strangers used to call A (when A was MonA and Toby) "pretty eyes"! Sigh. PLL can be so good about throwing in these Easter eggs for the fans (i.e. Emily talking about a "pink drink" a few weeks ago), but I still feel like something's missing this season. The old woman calling Toby "pretty eyes" did bring me joy, though.
9:34 PM Aaaaand Aria cheated on Liam. #Ezria4Ever #JustKidding #HateIt
9:36 PM Hanna and Caleb's New York apartment looks like a country inn.
9:38 PM Who run the world? The Hastings clan.
9:44 PM The dialogue this season is so sloppy. How many times can people ask Hanna if she doesn't want to do this? How many times can Caleb say that his plan/fence/camera is definitely, 100%, totally going to work, no foolin', when it is OBVIOUSLY not going to?
9:49 PM Spencer, Toby, and Mona just found Mary Drake's Radley file and I have a new theory: Mrs. D had a twin, Mary Drake, who is Charlotte's birth mom and former Radley patient!
9:54 PM Yup, new theory was right.
9:55 PM We are all perplexed.
10:00 PM So Not-A is the duo of Mary Drake, aka Mrs. D's twin, and Rollins (who is actually British and was in love with Charlotte). I knew Not-A used emoji just like a middle-aged person would. Eye. Roll.
Publishing Accuracy Watch 2016:
- Not really accuracy, but any and everything Fitz and Aria say about the book is so charmingly vague. "This is where they say goodbye and he looks at her." SO clear, guys! They really need to refine their elevator pitch if they want to sell this book.
- Aria's boss wanted to discourage her writing in order to make her an editor. News flash: half of the editors in the publishing biz are published authors or aspiring writers. You were fooling yourself if you thought otherwise, Aria's boss.
- Of course there's a classic "e-books aren't forever" convo, and of course Ezra Fitz is part of it.
- LOL to Aria ranting about her boss' taste in literature. So true that not every editorial assistant agrees with her boss' taste. But ya gotta work on the books anyway.
- Caleb mentioning Ms. Peregrine??? What! I never thought he would make an appearance in the Publishing Accuracy Watch. I'm very impressed at this cross-promotion, which was slightly more seamless than Aria's burgeoning desire to see Insidious 2 that one time.
As season 6 comes to a close, I am not quite as in love with PLL as I used to be, dear readers. The tension is lacking; the stakes and motives and romances are ill-defined; the liars are barely at the core of everything (to say nothing of how lackluster their friendship — which is the whole point of the show — has been this season); the plot is all over the place (as is some of the dialogue); and it's just missing that je ne sais quoi of seasons past. I'll still keep with it, of course. But I'm a little sad to admit that I love it just a bit less.
No more draft diaries of PLL for a while, of course, but I'll still be blogging — about what, I don't yet know! Tune in again soon to find out.