I'm super eager to get to the PLL draft diary since I've been avoiding the Internet all day (or, you know, parts of the Internet) and I need to know what happened last night in Rosewood.
But first, a quick recap of what happened last night at MSG. The Knicks lost, thereby confirming that the PLL/Knicks/PIP curse does not exist (whew!). But it was close for a little while toward the end of the game, which is the most exciting part of the game for it to get close (that's some technical basketball analysis for ya). The good ol' Knickerbockers were winning for at least a minute or two, though they were ultimately bested by John Wall, Bradley Beal, and the rest of the Washington Wizards (err...not Kris Humphries, though, who was wholeheartedly booed when he came into the game). A missed final buzzer shot by Langston Galloway didn't help matters (and he was upset, flopping full-body onto the court afterwards).
Other highlights: the Knicks dancers performed a dance that I first saw on The Fosters, my second favorite ABC Family — Freeform — show; I learned that Phil Jackson found Langston Galloway showing up at NBA walk-on tryouts and picked him up, which I found really endearing; and SG caught a t-shirt from the t-shirt canon things, thanks to years of high school baseball. And this morning, SG told me that he'd never heard me "cheer like that at sports." Clearly, he's been paying more attention to PLL than me during PLL/PIP viewings.
Anyway, onto to PLL, which is PIP-less tonight. I'm having trouble remembering what happened last week on PLL because I've also been watching old PLL episodes on Netflix. I can't get enough, apparently. Remember "Nate St. Germain" AKA Lyndon James? Yeah, that's where I'm coming from this evening. Season 3 shit. So, where were we...? Oh, yeah: previously on Pretty Little Liars, Spencer and Caleb were acting like an old married couple even though Hanna and Toby, their exes, were clearly having some feelings about that particular 'ship; Toby the Cop Carpenter was streaming retro TV with his soon-to-be fiancee and the daughter of Mrs. Hastings' state senate competition (man, this show is weaving some tangled webs); Aria pimped Emily out to Sabrina "I used to chill out with weed" Barista (I don't know her last name so for now it's "Barista") so she could sneak into Ezra Fitz's frat house to inspect his golf clubs, but they got caught in the act and now Emily and Sabrina probably won't hook up for at least a few more episodes; oh, right, Not-A told the liars that the murder weapon that murdered Charlotte was a nine iron, which isn't suspicious at all because anonymous texts have been proven very trustworthy and honest on this show; Not-A also loves emoji, dressing like service industry Bernie Sanders, photographing the carpet at the Radley, and probably long walks on the beach; and Byron, Aria's father from whom she gets all her daddy/Ezra Fitz issues, is probably boning Hanna's mom but being super sketchy (as usual) about it.
9:27 PM The "previously on" segment reminds us that Ashley Marin stole the security footage that the Rosewood PD, the FBI, and probably the CIA are looking for. Oh, and Sara Harvey burned her hands off (practically) five years ago and still hasn't re-learned how to swing her arms when she walks.
9:28 PM "Jesus!" says SG when Aria walks into her dark house and turns on the living room light only to find her father sitting on the couch, alone, waiting for her to get home. Maybe now SG will finally understand why this show sometimes makes it hard for me to fall asleep at night.
9:28 PM WHAT THE FUCK Ella and Byron are engaged?!?!?!?!?! Again? Is she wearing her old (I'm sorry, previous) engagement ring? Does it have bad juju?
9:29 PM Damn, now I owe SG $5, since I bet him that Byron and Ashley were hooking up.
9:29 PM Aria says she's okay with this Parent Trap situation but judging by the look on her face, she clearly thinks Byron is tending to the fire really poorly. Or that he murdered Charlotte. One of the two.
9:30 PM Not-A wants to hang out with Jordan in the car back to New York. I don't know why, because he's totally unintelligible.
9:32 PM Caleb calls Not-A "A" and she corrects him, saying Not-A is...not an "A." SG thinks Caleb is Not-A.
9:33 PM "She can't really type that well, maybe a picture is easier for her to send." You still have to type an emoji, Spencer.
9:33 PM Ezra Fitz is still missing. Please let him be missing all season.
9:35 PM Emily is fishing to make sure she's going to be one of Hanna's bridesmaids. This is the most realistic conversation that I've seen happen during #5YearsForward so far.
9:37 PM Ella is still such a chill mom. But she's also Byron's alibi for the night Charlotte died..since they were doin' it. Now Aria can finally be happy for her parents.
9:38 PM SG asks if Lucy Hale has ever gotten a gig anywhere else (the answer is yes).
9:39 PM Did Ashley garbage disposal that security footage? (I just watched the season 3 episode in which she did that to the USB drive). Do you think Ashley is much happier when Hanna's in NY? Her life must be so much easier.
9:40 PM We don't have to watch commercials tonight! No Recovery Road! Thus the basis of DVR's appeal.
9:41 PM Hanna knows all her mom's tricks — she and Aria are searching all the containers of food in the house for the security footage. It's not in any of them, least of all the lasagna box.
9:42 PM "That's a stupid idea." - SG. I'm not even sure what he's referring to, but it kind of applies to almost everything the liars do.
9:42 PM "This guy's a doctor?" "Yup." "I don't think so."
9:44 PM OOOOOH since Caleb can't call Not-A "A," he calls Not-A "Evil Emoji." I like it!
9:44 PM Ali is ba-a-a-ack. And tepid as ever (since she came back from the dead in season 4). Wow, her and Dr. Rollins have 0% chemistry. And Sara Harvey saw their complete lack of sparkage! Do you think she'll stand up and object at their wedding?
9:47 PM Observation: Ali's students single-space their papers? Just...why?
9:48 PM "What, does she have no arms?" asks SG when Sara Harvey walks toward Ali's desk (which used to be Ezra Fitz's desk, by the by). I laughed out loud, I admit.
9:40-51 PM Brief pause to explain the complex history of Sara Harvey to SG, including the fact that she now seems to be admitting she lied about being Stockholmed. He is confused.
9:53 PM OHHH, I just realized that when Not-A texted Hanna about the drive, he or she wasn't referring to the car ride with Jordan, but the security footage drive. Wow. I'm a little slow not he uptake, eh? I think I was distracted by Jordan's accented mumbling to think straight during that earlier scene.
9:55 PM Sara Harvey watches Jeopardy, apparently? Maybe that's how she's getting an education since she quit high school after 9th grade.
10:00 PM When Pretty Little Liars met Seinfeld: Sara Harvey, Aria Montgomery, and the reverse peephole.
10:02 PM The way they're filming Ali once Emily "wakes up" from her anesthesia nightmare feels like Emily is still hallucinating. "This is REALLY stressful." - SG. True. It's masterful camera work.
10:04 PM The couple who was going to purchase Emily's eggs backed out? Have they SEEN or MET Emily?
10:05 PM I feel like Emily donating her eggs all wily-nily across the state in a world wherein Not-A exists is a bad choice.
10:06 PM UH-OH Hanna got fired/quit. Guess she can chill in Rosewood forever now.
10:10 PM Put some of Sara Harvey's gloves on so you stop leaving fingerprints all over her hotel room, Spencer.
10:13 PM Oh, look. Not-A threatens to steal Emily's eggs if the liars don't tell who killed Charlotte. It only took eight minutes for my prediction to come to fruition.
10:13 PM I like Emily's pajamas and SG thinks she's the most stylish liar. He's in fashion. He would know.
Publishing Accuracy Watch 2016: Aria is told by someone at her publishing company that she canNOT expense a hotel room at the Radley "for Ezra Fitz to write" (which is not really what she's using it for). Yes. This is 100% accurate. Good job, PLL! However, you lose points for Aria's claim that she received a selfie stick as a gift at the office holiday party. I call shenanigans. We didn't even have a holiday party at work last year.
On that depressing note, I'm Audi 3000. 'Til next week, y'all!