Happy Tuesday AKA PLL Day! SG and I are back for another night of glorious PLL watching and writing, y'all. I'm sticking with calling him SG this week, partially because I like it and partially because I simply do not have it in me to think of a new name at the moment. I guess all the avoiding of the giant slush piles that have taken over every single New York City street corner has made my brain just as tired as it's made my knees. See, that sentence barely even made sense.
It's just the two of us tonight — I suspect that the Jonas remains are keeping everyone inside their own homes. Can't say I blame them. I was okay with the blizzard for about...48 hours. On Saturday, when snow was falling from the sky all day and night and I spent the entire day good, old fashioned adult snow day-ing, I was super into it. I was merely okay with it on Sunday, when I only left my apartment once (to get a smoothie, yeah, that's right) and sat on my couch reading and watching the last 30 minutes of The Fast and the Furious and almost all of 2 Fast 2 Furious the rest of the day. But now I'm over it. I hate winter.
So tonight I shall drown my sorrows in Pretty Little Liars. The drama of Rosewood never disappoints, and since this week [spoiler alert] we're introduced to a new A presence (one who is looking to spruce up the ol' A uniform, it seems), my sorrows have officially been drowned. Let's get to it — I have episode thoughts to share.
7:59 PM SG walks in just one minute before 8 PM and I’m nervous he’s not going to make it to the couch in time for optimal watching and commenting. But maybe I’m thinly one who feels like I need my butt perfectly situated on the couch in order to watch and think properly.
8:00 PM I’ve prepped the Knicks/OKC game in PIP for SG. Because I am nice. And since I’m using his commentary in my writing, I feel like I at least owe him some basketball PIP action.
8:00 PM We are ready.
8:00 PM Oh man, three of the four liars are chillin’ in the Radley spa in fluffy robes with cucumber slices on their eyes. I could use some cucumber slices on my eyes right now. I am tiiiiired.
8:01 PM Spencer is so ready to jump back into PLL world and has basically already convicted Ezra for Charlotte’s murder. She is on a tear.
8:02 PM Now Emily is on her own tear, ready to accuse Sara Harvey (who is still acting like a robot) of following her. Damn, these liars waste no time falling back into old habits.
8:03 PM Spencer performs the almighty “shhh” during the opening credits this week and I’m still so distracted by how much she looks like my friend Carla.
8:04 PM I am also distracted by Aria’s purple sequin top she’s wearing when she’s Skyping with Liam. She looks like a Skipper doll.
8:04 PM I am officially appointing myself the publishing industry accuracy police for PLL. Personally, I don’t Skype in when I work from home, but I know some people who do. Those people are not Editorial Assistants, though.
8:05 PM We’re at The Brew. I can’t believe people still patronize this place. But: Hanna is so fashion week-y and Lucas (Lucas!) looks good. The future has been kind to Lucas. Is he Sandy Frink from Romy & Michele’s High School Reunion? Yes. Yes he is. And he is not-so-subtly rubbing it in Hanna’s face.
8:06 PM I am giggling at Hanna and Lucas wheeling and dealing all over The Brew. I’m suffering from some cognitive dissonance here. They look like their high school selves and are sort of relating to each other like their high school selves but they’re 23 now but they’re also back in their hometown…it’s just all weird.
8:07 PM Is Spencer’s job just cool with her taking time off to work on her mom’s campaign? And damn, Melissa is so snarky about Spencer and Caleb’s chemistry and Spencer “shopping out of other people’s carts.” The Bros Watch PLL Too guys have a theory about how the liars have regressed to their PLL pilot ways (they’re estranged; Hanna is basically her Queen Bee self again; Aria is hiding a secret/forbidden relationship; Emily is lying about who she is and hating it; and Spencer is an overachieving politico-in-training) and this comment from Melissa helps bring that theory home. Remember how pilot Spencer flirted with Wren and how A’s first message to her was about kissing other people’s boyfriends? Yeaaah.
8:08 PM Ashley Marin is still so wise to Hanna’s lying ways. She knows her daughter tampered with that security tape. Mama Marin for the win, as usual.
8:10 PM PIP swap during commercials! The Knicks are losing to OKC by 4 points. Surprise, surprise.
8:13 PM Freeform is still trying to make Recovery Road happen, I see.
8:13 PM Ezra and Aria can be seen together in public now! Joy. Oh, did I say “joy”? I meant gag.
8:14 PM Clearly Aria thinks Ezra is a serial killer, just like we all do.
8:14 PM Of cooooooourse Ezra wrote the beginning of his novel by hand.
8:15 PM PLL is so political, taking on the millennial voter issue.
8:16 PM “Ah!” is SG’s reaction to Sara Harvey and her creepy staring at Emily as she sits on Rosewood’s one bench on Rosewood’s one street in town. “Ah!” he says again when the camera swings back to her. He’s not wrong.
8:17 PM WAIT. Emily really did fake her graduation photo? I take back everything I’ve ever said about her being a bad liar. That is DEDICATION.
8:18 PM During this commercial break, I walk SG through all of the lies the liars are currently telling. “How many more layers are there gonna be?” he asks. “I’ve been telling you for years that this show has many layers,” I respond. Seriously, I have.
8:22 PM And here’s Hanna calling in a favor from her old pal Lucas. Man, the Bros are right. These girls have totally regressed. It’s like the most extreme version of the revertigo I experienced at my ten year high school reunion in November.
8:23 PM I am trying to turn my ears off when Aria reads Ezra’s writing out loud. Unfortunately I can’t actually turn my ears off so I have to hear Aria tell Emily that “Ezra likes small women” and now I can’t I can’t I can’t I have to mute the TV or something BRB. On a show pretty good at meta commentary via dialogue, that has to be the most disturbingly meta piece of dialogue ever uttered.
8:25 PM SG tries to read what I’m writing. That is totally against the rules I just made up right now in my head.
8:26 PM Oooooh here’s the awkward “I have feelings for your ex” conversation between Hanna and Spencer. A+ acting from both ladies. But this whole talk reminds we way too much of a situation I was in during my own high school years and I’m uncomfortable. SG thinks Hanna giving her blessing to Spencer re: Caleb was NOT genuine. I disagree. Who knows Hanna best?
8:27 PM I have never tried this hard to get an author to finish a manuscript. But I’ve also never worked with an author who was my high school English teacher/ex-boyfriend. SG thinks maybe Ezra is a killer.
8:29 Pm We need to rewind this Spencer/journalist scene because we missed the Mona piece of it all, since we were busy talking about seeing SG’s niece this weekend.
8:30 PM “Who is Mona?” “I’ll explain during the commercial.”
8:30 PM “Why is Hanna wearing that kimono robe at Aria’s house?” - Me “Why is she eating concentrated orange juice with a spoon?” - SG
8:31 Man, all the liars are finding out about each others lies. This is how they bond! “Friends share secrets,” said Ali, once upon a time, “it’s what keeps us close.” May I present the thesis of PLL?
8:33 PM Commercial break! Time for me to explain Mona. to SG. Man, it is hard to do that in one commercial break. Here’s what I say: A long time ago, Mona was a geek and was bullied by Ali, the girl whose sister was murdered in the season premiere. After Ali went missing, Mona got popular and became Hanna’s BFF. When the liars started reconnecting (due to the discovery of Ali’s body — or what they thought was Ali’s body), Mona became the first A, the one who was torturing them and blowing up all their secrets. When she was caught, and sent to the mental institution, which is now a hotel, someone else took over the A game. And then kidnapped the liars, PLUS Mona, to that creepy dollhouse bunker (which he knows about because he saw that episode with me). But they still don’t totally get along with Mona, especially Spencer. SG is shocked by all of this information. Do you think I can get him to watch all 5.5 seasons of PLL on Netflix so that he's caught up?
8:34 PM “Wait so, there are always so many lies going on at once but usually someone is texting them, trying to blow up their spots?” SG sounds very excited about the possible inclusion/addition of another A force in PLL land. I predict there will be another cyber stalker A in Rosewood very soon.
8:36 PM Oh wow, Emily is donating her eggs! And is, predictably, such a Hufflepuff about it, even though it started as just as way to get some fast cash: “I feel good about it…I’m going to help two people start a family.” I know I called Emily a Hufflepuff last week too, and I’ll do it every week if I have to, because it’s true. Though she definitely has some Gryffindor in her, too.
8:38 PM Lucas is such a bad liar. Hoo boy. Lorenzo is only a slightly better detective than any of the rest of the Rosewood PD, but Lucas is definitely going to crack from the slightest pressure here.
8:40 PM “They should really not be sending all that stuff over text.” - SG re: Spencer’s text to Aria about the hotel tape and Ezra needing to talk. When has that ever stopped the liars?
8:41 PM I hate that Ezra is playing such a big role in everything so far in season 6B.
8:41 PM “Damn, Miley Cyrus is intense.” This is what SG calls Sara Harvey.
8:45 PM Aria is wearing ANOTHER colored leather jacket. Last week, pale pink. This week, red. I like. I want.
8:46 PM This confrontation scene with the liars and Dark Ezra is insane. Aria is defending Ezra. WHY? Ezra is just yelling and not saying boo about whether or not he killed Charlotte and/or where he went after leaving Aria the night Charlotte was killed. WHY? Emily is still talking about Sara Harvey. WHY? What is happening? This is such an intense clusterfuck! Sidenote: SG likes Freeform’s hashtag (#AngryEzra).
8:48 PM “Did he just admit he did it?” - SG about that crazy confrontation scene. I don’t think so. And I don’t actually think Ezra did it. But he’s being cagey for no reason. Why can’t he just say he didn’t do it? Hmm…
8:50 PM I’m not liking this Robitussin commercial about seeing how far your cough goes. Because SG is currently sick.
8:51 PM I just realized there have been no commercials for The Boy this whole episode. Hallelujah!
8:52 PM The PIP is really small but it looks like the Knicks are now winning. Woo! Or maybe I need to get my eyes tested…
8:53 PM “I can’t believe they changed the fucking name,” SG says during yet another “Freeform, the new name for ABC Family” ad. Yes, yes, I know.
8:55 PM Lucas is giving Hanna his loft…Toby is building a house for someone…is the one movie theater in Rosewood solely playing The Notebook or something? What is with these guys?
8:55 PM “Did he do it?” SG asks about Lucas. He is very suspicious of every single character on this show. Which is really what this show is all about.
8:56 PM “Do you think they’re going to make out?” I ask SG about Spencer and Caleb as they sip beer by the fire. “Yes.”
8:57 PM We realize at the same time that the song playing during Spencer and Caleb’s very slow kiss is a cover of Johnny Cash’s “Ring of Fire.”
8:58 PM Oh, look at that, there’s a new A in town. The new A is using an emoji of a red devil to sign his or her name! This is exciting, as it is the clearest indication I’ve seen yet that we are indeed living #5YearsForward. Spencer’s bangs be darned, it’s all about the emoji A texts.
8:59 PM A is storing his or her hoodies in the Gorilla bins I used when I moved a month ago. Am I A?
9:00 PM “You called that,” says SG, referring to the fact that I told him a half hour ago there would probably be a new A-like entity texting the girls about their secrets/Charlotte’s death. It’s true; I do know this show very well.
9:01 PM Back to the Knicks. They are losing by 3 points.
9:02 PM SG and I close out this night of PLL watching by having a lengthy discussion about whether or not the liars actually look five years older. Short answer: sort of.
P.S. At 9:52 PM, the Knicks game is tied at 113 points and 16.2 seconds left. This is almost as dramatic as PLL.